Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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