you told grandpa to call you daddy
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I touched a dick in church today
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
