he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
