It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize