i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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