i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
