I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
