you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
