Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
