i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
