Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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