the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
