My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..