Texts From Last Night

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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...

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  (514): I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits... http://tfl.nu/tjcr
  Replies (2) Good night (616) Bad night (1793)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.

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  (216): He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract. http://tfl.nu/wrx8
  Replies (26) Good night (730) Bad night (2944)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later

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  (513): i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later http://tfl.nu/g0hd
  Replies (24) Good night (4359) Bad night (1222)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  ...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.

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  (330): ...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates. http://tfl.nu/x7fo
  Replies (25) Good night (7084) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.

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  (828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end. http://tfl.nu/rcny
  Replies (27) Good night (2623) Bad night (5089)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose

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  (765): We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose http://tfl.nu/vyfk
  Replies (5) Good night (2822) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.

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  (509): I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier. http://tfl.nu/0psb
  Replies (5) Good night (2215) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you

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  (269): If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you http://tfl.nu/cez4
  Replies (5) Good night (1932) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.

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  (909): I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic. http://tfl.nu/3gxu
  Replies (2) Good night (748) Bad night (1327)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.

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  (240): Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood. http://tfl.nu/tqto
  Replies (3) Good night (1090) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful

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  (970): The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful http://tfl.nu/mqfz
  Replies (7) Good night (774) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."

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  (269): My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night." http://tfl.nu/krw1
  Replies (6) Good night (1776) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.

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  (240): He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at. http://tfl.nu/i197
  Replies (5) Good night (709) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you

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  (650): Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you http://tfl.nu/x9ov
  Replies (2) Good night (860) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.

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  (718): Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them. http://tfl.nu/ft83
  Replies (4) Good night (591) Bad night (333)

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