We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues