He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!