oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea