so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.