do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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