When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
