If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
