Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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