Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
