if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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