so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
