Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
