I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im holly from the hills drunk
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
