I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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