Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
