God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
