i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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