Christians are straight up FREAKS
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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