yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
