Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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