I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
