Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
