my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
