my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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