this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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