You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
