No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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