He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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