Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
