I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
