Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
