He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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