Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
