The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
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