I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
