The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
