i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
