she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
