Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They have beer where we have blood.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
