Can i not drive my cunt home
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
