how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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