did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
