Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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