My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
