I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
