if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
