So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
