I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
