Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
