Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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