It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
