so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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