who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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