why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
