according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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