im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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