my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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