I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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