she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
